Monday, February 13, 2012

The Fungus Amungus

Last night at Tribal Council we did not vote anyone off the island. We also took a break on serving "Surviver" worthy foods challenges and just served the amazing GAPS Donuts that Saved Christmas and some coconut macaroons. Oh, and a little Sauerkraut because we just love it so!

Also, I should fess up in case any stalkers are getting excited about the Tribal Council. It was really just the local monthly GAPS circle and no, nobody was sporting a loincloth. In fact, there was no skin showing whatsoever. Just a bunch of Mamas and a couple of kids in the ten-year-old range.

Anyway, I made a comment last night about "bad belly bugs" and the "dreaded yeast" controlling our brains. Any Mama who has gone through the dreaded die off on SCD / GAPS knows what I'm talking about. No, your child does not NEEEEEEEEED sugar (or cake) the way they are claiming, and don't think of that as your child. Think of your child as a puppet - it is the belly bugs talking from deep inside their gut! Your poor child is under the control of one tough opponent, the guys we affectionately call "belly bugs" in our home. It only lasts 7-10 days in most cases and then the sugar craving is gone and life gets a whole lot more healthy!

Similarly, at times when your children / significant other is making you C-R-A-Z-Y with erratic behavior, keep in mind that it just might be the bugs talking. I have started to think of my family (and myself) as some percentage of self and some percentage of Poltergeist. The percentages can change overnight and sometimes I know why they shifted and sometimes I start checking lunar calendars, Jupiter rising, mold counts, and fungal growth below the nails. Kidding again, kind of.

However, every now and then when the people I love are driving me over the edge, I stop and remind myself that it is not them I am frustrated with at the moment... It is the bacteria / viruses / fungus / parasites inside of them. Because my daughters and husband really ARE perfect. It's just those darn creatures from the other branches of the Animal Kingdom that we barely studied in school that are controlling them. Got a lot of drama? Hm, perhaps yeast. Got a child throwing temper tantrums and acting really strange? Hm, perhaps parasites / bacteria. Got a strange layer on the child's scalp? Hm, perhaps a fungus. Bizarre swelling / rash? Perhaps virus. You get the picture.

I once read about a parasite researcher with a theory that a cat-based parasite was controlling his behavior. And some of his contemporaries thought his research to be possible/credible. So it isn't just me with this "You are crazy but it's okay because you have no control over your emotions" theory.

So with this "theory" of mine backed up by an obscure researcher, I like to throw around this "zombie" theory totally irresponsibly like it might be possible and a fact to consider. Just because that's the way I roll (but always with the caveat that it is my own personal theory and yes, I know that I just my be crazy or at least obsessed, just ask my brother). And then last night, my future neighbor, Elli, threw down another piece of evidence with an AMAZING story from the rain forest for our youngest Tribal Council members who were paying any attention to the yammering ons of the Tribal Elders.

This is the story (approximately) she told:

There is an ant in the rainforest that, when under the mind control of a fungus catching a ride on its exoskeleton, will crawl all the way up to the top of the tree where it will do the fungus' bidding and die. The fungus needs to get to the top of the tree to proliferate but it doesn't have legs. So it mind controls the ant to do its bidding and the ant dies and the fungus lives.

Elli had more details but that is it as best I can remember it. So I woke up at 3 AM totally excited about this ant being remote controlled by a fungus on it's back. I mean... really... Talk about a proverbial monkey on your back! So I fact checked Eli's cool story and found it is even more incredible than she made it sound. The crazy fungus has been controlling the ants for over 48 million years! That is a lot of practice time for mind control of a group of zombie ants! And don't even get me started on the synchronicity of all the ants showing up in the same area at the same time and none of those fungi even have a watch! Shoot, my Mama friends and I can't even do that for a playground playdate. Although, in our defense, we are trying to round up multiple zombies under mind control that is, unfortunately, not our doing (as best we can tell, or the downstairs would be a whole lot more tidy).

So, if you find yourself in a zombie like state walking toward the pantry, or if your four year old is muttering about cake and lollipops 18 months into GAPs, or if you are listening on the phone to a friend's seven year old scream, "I want pizza," over and over... That may be the bugs talking directly to you, via their favorite medium, someone you love!

Zombies: It isn't just for humans anymore!

Fact Checking References:
Fungus makes zombie ants administer ‘death bite’ at noon
Parasitic Fungi and Zombie Ants

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